


Love me long time, love me slow

by coolest



Series: ashes to ashes, dust to dust verse [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Harry, Boys In Love, Louis-centric, M/M, New York City, Poet Louis, Recreational Drug Use, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 12:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8371594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolest/pseuds/coolest
Summary: "I love you like this, in the only way I know how. Too much and too loud.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is Harry's POV from the first part of this series. Hope you guys enjoy it and feel free to leave any comments and/or critic in the comments (where else thou?) anyway, hope you like it! Thank you and please leave kudos!!!!! it'd make me so happy!!! <3 
> 
> (Listen to '715- CREEKS' by Bon Iver to really get into the mood bc like idk the song made me sad and my sadness inspired me to write this ha thx to my boi bon iver you champ)

The change from summer to autumn has always been Harry’s favourite time to thrive in the beauty that is life. 

He looks at Louis, spread across the floor in nothing but Harry’s plaid button up top that he’s left half undone all the way down to his belly button. He’s so beautiful. The necklaces around his neck glint under the sunlight and his skin has been left golden from the summer. 

“It’s hard loving you.” Louis tells him out of the blue, head tipped back and eyes clothes. Harry wants to see his eyes. The room is pink and hazy from the sky, colour seeping in like dripping paint through the windows. “I don’t know how to not love you though. I- I … don’t think I’d want to though.”

There’s a rolled up joint sitting untouched on the table. Harry swipes it and lights it up. His eyes flutter as he inhales and he keeps them close for a little bit, letting the smoke eat away at his lungs and burn him from the inside out. 

Louis’s eyes are a startling blue when he opens them suddenly. His gaze follows the movements of the joint in Harry’s hands and on his forth inhale, Louis sits up on his knees and leans forward with his hand outstretched as a way of asking Harry for a drag. Harry nods and inhales once more before handing over the joint. 

“’M sorry,” he breathes out as he exhales. He arches his back off the wall he’s leaning against and relishes in the way his back clicks. “I don’t know how to be better for you.” He tells Louis, who hasn’t taken his eyes off of him once since he opened them. “I don’t even know how to be better for myself.” 

The healing wounds on his knuckles are still hard to look at. He doesn’t know why he is the way he is. He doesn’t know how to stop being so angry. He’s been in so much pain for so long. How do you forgive the world for putting you through so much? 

“I don’t want you to be better for me. I love you like this. I don’t know any other way to love you Harry.” 

Harry takes the joint from him, inhales and doesn’t- even for a fucking millisecond- let his gaze linger away from Louis’s. “This isn’t going to end well.”

Louis smirks, beautifully and unafraid like he’s always been. It’s one of the things about him that Harry’s always loved the most- how fearless he is. “Then it won’t end and even when it does, I’ll still love you like this- the way I do now, maybe even more. I’m crazy like that.” 

It’s the way he says it that really does it for Harry. His heartbeat quickens and a flush spreads itself across his naked body almost instantaneously. Louis takes his bruised and broken knuckles and presses them against his moist lips, eyes brighter than anything in this galaxy. “Fuck.” Harry laughs, eyes crinkling at the corners. “I know you are but … but you don’t understand. I’ll break your heart.” 

“I’ll break yours first.” 

There’s a single star in the sky right now, shining dimly above the city. Harry reckons it wont be there when nighttime finally settles into the sky and everything turns dark. In New York City, the people are the stars. They burn too bright and look so beautiful from a far, are still so beautiful up close, but they aren’t the type of people you’d want to fall in love with. In New York City, the people are the stars and this is why it hurts so much. Louis was raised in Portland, Oregon. He was raised around mountains and lakes and got through his entire life by wishing upon all the stars in the night sky because he could see them all. Harry was raised in New York City where he learnt how to use his fists as a way of getting what he wants. He was a small white boy living in the rougher sides of the city where no one looked like him. He had to learn how to be tough, act bigger than he was.

(He didn’t know anything but this, this ‘kill, eliminate everyone who steps over you’ way of thinking until he met Louis. It’s like they’ve known each other for lifetimes. It’s like they’ve loved each other in all those life times.)

(The problem is, Louis shines so bright. He’s reckless and forgiving and full of too much fucking love, more than Harry’s even seen and more than he’s used to. He can’t ignore him though and he can’t leave him either. He doesn’t know how to not love Louis. How do you fall out of love with someone you’ve loved since before you were born? How do you do that?) 

“I’ll break you.” 

“I know how to build myself back up again. I’m a big boy baby. You’ve broken me many times before and I’m still here.” God, he’s so brave. It makes Harry so angry.

“I know that the books you read romanticize the idea of heartbreak but it’s not cute. You need to let go of the fucked up concept that the best type of love are the ones that hurt. That’s bullshit. Heartbreak isn’t beautiful; I’ve watched it with my two eyes Louis! This, us, we aren’t healthy and I don’t know why you’re still here, why you still love me, why I’m so selfish to let you stay like this with me!” His voice is getting progressively louder as he speaks and the anger in his chest is growing bigger, and getting hotter. He doesn’t know why this still hurts. He doesn’t know why this is making him remember. It happened such a long time ago. “I don’t want to be like them. I can’t do that to you. I can’t have you regret this. I love you so much Louis.” He blabbers on, looking at Louis with wide eyes and pulling at his curls. “I lo- fuck,” he drops his head into his head and takes a breathe. “I…” 

Louis crawls into his lap and wraps his arms around his neck, using the palm of his hand to press Harry’s head against his chest. His heartbeat is steady, loud and slow. He smells of weed, red wine, home and love in its purest form. “I’m okay.” He whispers against the locks of his hair, lips pressed against his head. “I’m okay and so are you. We’re going to be okay. Neither of us are tragedies baby, neither of us deserve any less of each other. I love you like this, in the only way I know how. Too much and too loud.” 

“Baby.” 

Louis chuckles lowly and continues to thread his fingers through Harry’s hair. “Can you imagine all the poems that’ll be written about us? All the poems that have been written about us throughout history, in all the life times we’ve met each other in and loved each other in as different people with different names? Can you imagine that? God, Harry. I don’t know anything else but you.” 

Harry pulls his head back to look up at Louis, whose legs are spread on either side of Harry’s body. His eyes are as sharp, and blue and as translucent as glaciers. He’s so beautiful. Harry can’t resist himself. He leans in a little closer, their foreheads touching. (He can’t remember when he became so soft, so gentle. Before meeting Louis in this lifetime, all he’d ever known was anger and impulsivity and using his fists as a way of not talking about it. Louis’ very smell is in his senses now) 

They stay like this for a while, gazing at each other unblinkingly. When it gets too much and Harry can’t seem to keep his breaking under control, he nuzzles his face in the crook of Louis’ neck and breathes in his scent like he doesn’t already know it. He presses kisses so faint on his neck that they’re almost like whispers. Louis keeps his hands in his neck and breathes deeply, body completely still against Harry’s. 

The next time Harry brings his head back up, Louis’s kisses him and the hairs at the back of Harry’s neck stand. Its slow and comforting in a way words would never be and Harry feels as if the whole world has fallen away, like it’s just them. His body feels as if it’s been set on fire. His hand rests just below Louis’s ear and his thumb caresses his cheek as their breaths mingle. Louis runs his fingers down Harry’s spine and pulls him closer until there’s no space left between them. Harry can feel the beating of his heart against Louis’s chest and it brings him great joy that their hearts are beating at the same pace. 

Outside this shitty apartment, the world carries on without them noticing. Things change and nothing is ever same as it was two seconds ago. Louis promises him that he’ll love Harry for the rest of his life and Harry believes him, promises him he will too because they’re crazy like that. 

Dear God, Harry says in his head. I need you with me. Protect me. Protect him, Protect us. Keep us safe. Keep him safe. I love him so much. I don’t know how to do this without him.

**Author's Note:**

> "I love you without knowing   
> how, or when, or from where.   
> I love you straightforwardly,  
> without complexities or pride;   
> so i love you because i know   
> no other way than this:   
> where i do not exist nor you,   
> so close that your hand   
> on my chest is my hand,  
> so close that your eyes close   
> as i fall asleep."   
> -SONNET XVII, Pablo Neruda


End file.
